Brandon Heard - Adult Stand Up Comedian | Long Beach, California
Based In: Long Beach, California
One of my acts I talk about how growing as a kid I had a cousin that was on drugs. I called him crack head Craig. His name was really Ralph but crackhead Craig sounds better. It was Chrismas eve 1995. The 49ers were super champs and I remember asking for a Jerry Rice Jersey and a Sega Genesis for Christmas. I helped my aunt wrapped the gifts throughout the night while everyone including crackhead was sleep. After all the gifts were wrapped and placed neatly under the tree, I retired to my quarters for the night. I woke up around 6 am ready to play 20 straight hours of Sonic the Hedgehog while ... wearing my Jerry Rice Jersey. When I walked out to the living room I noticed something very strange. I saw that there were no gifts and oddly enough, no Christmas tree. I immediately ran to crack head Craig's room to see if he was there and he was not. All that was there was a bunch a pillows stacked on each under a blanket giving the appearance that someone is laying in bed. Not sure why he needed to that but anyway he took grandma's car to go downtown to sell the Christmas gifts. I'm thinking to myself who steals a Christmas tree to try to sell on Christmas day? My other two cousins knew exactly where to find him. We drive to the city and we see crack head Craig on the corner trying to sell the gifts while holding up the Christmas tree. When he took the tree he left the stand in the house. That was really dumb. He just decreased his chances of selling the tree by 79 percent without a stand. When we walked up to him it was like he didn't recognize us. He was trying to sell my Sega Genesis to me for $50. I just glared at him and said " It's me you idiot! He then said "Oh my dad. Today I'm running a special for friends and family so you can get it today for just $65. $65 dollars!!!! That's more than the original price. Yeah that's because infestation. You mean inflation! Oh yeah what you said. Ok so I tell you what I'll sell you the Sega Genesis for $30 without the remote control. Doesn't that defeat the person of having a video game. I can't play it without a controller. Ok well since you're my cousin you can walk away with the sega Genesis and the remote for just $50. So after I paid him $60. I had to give him a ten dollar tip for bus fair to get back home since we took the car back from him and we didn't want him riding with us. So the moral is the story is stay away from drugs or you'll end up standing outside in the middle of winter holding a Christmas tree without a stand trying sell it other crack heads on Christmas day.
Albino Brown was born March 24th 1981 in Baltimore, MD. He grew up in the inner city of Baltimore until age 11 when his mother decided to have him live in the country side of Maryland where the school systems were better. After high school Albino Brown joined the military and served 8 years in the US Army. He was stationed in Kuwait, Bosnia, and Iraq. At the end of his 8th year in the military, Albino Brown got out of the Army and moved to California. He later went back to school to obtain in Psychology. In 2016 Albino Brown discovered his passion for doing stand up comedy. He has been head ... lining clubs throughout LA and continues to entertain audiences with a variety of comedy routines that appeal to all audiences.
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